Deepening Love and Meaningful Relationships: Why Focussing On Finding 'The One' Can Get In the Way Of Creating a Lasting, Incredible Love Partnership
In my women-centered empowerment, joy and well-being coaching and my naturopathic practice I see that the quality of relationships is a very significant contributor to health, happiness and success. The support from healthy, loving partnerships of all kinds helps us unfold into our most radiant, powerful expression.
The mindset shifts here are ones I’ve really resonated with and have come from my mentors Gene Campbell and Claire Zammit and from my own experience.
To start I want acknowledge that creating the relationship we desire can feel out of reach/impossible and bring us into an experience of contraction and powerlessness. It can be painful to desire love and not see a clear path to creating it. This can be exacerbated when we have our focus as we date, etc, on meeting the ‘right’ person. This may seem counterintuitive but if you feel into it, coming to dates with “is it him/her or not” mindset puts us into an analytic, fixed (masculine) mindset that is far from conducive to enjoyment and engaging and being fully present!💫
As with all the Transformational Coaching, approaching the area we are reaching higher in from a resourced, empowered place is essential.
In our 1-on-1 sessions I help my clients shift to relating to the vulnerability in an empowered, compassionate, wise way. This opens up stuck/fearful/contracted energy and brings more joy and lightness, ease of connection and your powerful yet soft feminine essence to the table. 👑💕 Your presence is magnetic to love.
Without connecting with ourself and addressing old stories of love that we carry about ourselves or others strategies for dating/manifesting love will be short-lived. In the Feminine Power work we say, “you can’t create an incredible, fulfilling relationship on top of an underlying belief of ‘I’m not loveable’ or ‘my feelings and needs don’t matter’ or ‘I’m responsible for everyone’s happiness’ or “I’m not worthy of great love.”
Take home: Our beliefs about love can be from our past and may (often!) need an update!
Here is one myth to rise above when you are dating so you don’t miss a fantastic partner when he/she comes into your life! ✔️
The Myth of “I’ll know right away if he/she is ‘The One’
What if the truth is that women in happy, healthy longterm committed and loving relationships actually report that it was only after on average the 8th date that they felt something! This is what the research revealed consistently when women in incredibly rich and fulfilling longterm relationships shared their early experience with dating their current partner.
Give yourself the time and space and enjoy the process.
Instead of focusing on the “is he/she the one?” question, focus on expanding and developing your skills for happy, committed, loving relationships. Take all pressure off knowing right off the bat. There can be attraction but it’s more common for it not to be there to start in the most satisfying, thriving, longterm relationships so breathe and enjoy!
Instead “is he/she the one” have fun and create positive experiences - be curious and open “hmmm, I wonder how this person might be in my life?” Curiosity keeps you open, receptive, present and tapped into your own inner guidance and wisdom. A solid, lovely place tp engage from!🙌
Claire talks about how growing myself in this area of love and relationships starts with getting clarity on what I’m looking for.
Instead of on dates focussing on searching for a “wow’ or ‘soulmate!!’ feeling, create fun, positive experiences while being open and curious … noticing if the skills of being a good life partner are present. ✨
Powerful questions to reflect/wonder about are …
Is there ease and flow in our connection?
Is he/she consistent - keeps their word?
Able to communicate well?
Can navigate conflict and work through issues?
Shares my values and my vision for life?
Feels aligned with me? Someone that I belong with – a feeling of ‘we fit together’.
Has skills of healthy relationship. Responsive to my needs and feelings?
Getting clarity for yourself on what kind of structure of relationship you want is important too.
On this topic anything is possible nowadays (!) and a thriving relationship can look many different ways. Live with? Or not? Same bed or separate beds? See others or monogamous? Options are endless! 💕
Need support in moving forward confidently in this area? Book in for some body-centered coaching with me. - clearing whatever old patterns/fear is stuck in your soma (body) and supporting you in living into the future you desire is my jam!
Transformation and big shifts don’t’ need to take a long time when you lovingly go to the body for the wisdom.
Wishing you the best time ever on this journey of deepening love and meaningful relationships? xo xo, Dr. Monika🦋 (403) 609-8385 to book
